On Thursday 18th May 2017, I attended the Dangerous Woman Tour in Birmingham, to support my idol - Ariana Grande. Safe to say it was one of the best nights of my whole life. Unfortunately, there are 22 people who cannot say the same.
It has taken me days to figure out how to put my emotions into words, which is why this post has taken so many days after the tragedy happened to go up.
Sometimes all that I feel obliged to say is "i'm sorry", "it's awful what has happened" or "my prayers go out to all of the families", but in my head I am saying so much more. I am saying how angry I am, how upset I am, how selfish I am and how crushed I feel. It's a horrible feeling when you don't feel eligible to express your emotions, because you were not at the concert in Manchester on 22nd May 2017. I keep thinking that every time I tweet, write a post on Facebook or Instagram, that I am being selfish for being so upset about something that didn't happen to me or anyone I know. "Should I be this upset?" is all that goes through my mind, "i'm selfish for being sad when there are families that have lost someone they love" - these thoughts are on repeat constantly. I had countless amounts of messages and calls to check I was okay, and I am okay - I wasn't there. Which is why I feel so lucky and why I feel I need to write this. I've felt as though I need to write this, because I have been crying for days straight and I need to let my emotions out in a less selfish way.
I don't want to make this post about me and I feel like I am. I'm sorry, but it's not one bit.
Every time I listen to One Last Time, Dangerous Woman and especially Thinking Bout You, I will send my condolences to the victims of the Manchester attack, as I will always be thinking about them.
It's crazy to think that a vile human being would target children and families as an act of selfishness. An Ariana Grande concert wasn't targeted because 'Ariana Grande is the symbol of everything Islamists hate', due to her outfits and bunny ears - thanks for that one The Sun. The arena also wasn't targeted because it was that specific arena. The concert was targeted because the attacker knew that Ariana Grande had young fans, fans that would bring their families and the MEN was targeted, because the attacker was from Manchester. Simple. That's where some people are so naive that they seem to believe that it could have happened at any concert, hearing "I was at the MEN 5 months ago, it could have been me" disgusts me. This man was not going to target a Metallica concert, where there are middle aged men and woman. Maybe thats why I am so emotional about the situation, not only because of people being murdered, but because a part of my family have been murdered. My Arianator family. The youngest girl that was taken from us was 8, my sister is 8. That hit home. I also knew someone at that concert and thank God he is safe and was nowhere near the explosion.
Dear Ariana,
Please stop beating yourself up. This was not your fault. This was not your outfits fault. This was not your fans fault. It his his fault. You are brave, strong and kindhearted. Paying for the victims funerals and holding a benefit concert in their honour - you are, in my eyes and i'm sure everyone else's, incredible.
[Edit 5/6/17] Ariana, last night I watched the One Love Manchester concert live on TV. I am speechless. The fact that you, a 23 year old woman, can pull off such an amazing and memorable event in a matter of days inspires me. Bringing together people of all ages, not just being at the concert to see you, but to support Manchester. The artists that you managed to bring to the concert were so appropriate for every age group, from Little Mix to Liam Gallagher - spectacular. I am so glad that everyone can finally, truly respect the amazing, kindhearted, incredible woman you are and I am more than proud to call you my idol.
To the Victims,
Megan Hurley
Courtney Boyle
Philip Tron
Wendy Fawell
Elaine McIver
Eilidh MacLeod
Chloe Rutherford
Liam Curry
Sorrell Leczkowski
Nell Jones
Martyn Hett
Michelle Kiss
Jane Tweddle-Taylor
Marcin Klis
Angelika Klis
Kelly Brewster
Olivia Campbell
John Atkinson
Alison Howe
Lisa Lees
Georgina Callander
And poor young Saffie-Rose Roussos
The benefit concert is yours. Its ours to reflect on the souls your families have lost. I am so so sorry that this has happened to you. I give my heart out to your families and friends, but you are safe now.
Please, please if you are able to get to Manchester on Sunday 4th June, get tickets for the One Love benefit concert - its only £40 and all of the proceeds will be going to the families of the victims.
Here is the link - http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/arianagrandemanchester TICKETS WILL BE ON SALE THURS 1ST JUNE @ 10AM
Thank you for reading,
Bethany x
